"I Pledge Allegiance to Arrogance and Ignorance"

We all have our Covid pandemic war stories. Talk to anyone and it’s a challenge to not have a heavy heart or shed a tear. Yet, I’m sure that many stories can’t come close to what front-line Covid healthcare workers have had to endure for the last (almost) two years.

Whenever I can, I try to read these stories and, the other day, I read this Business Insider article about Andrew Hudson, an ICU nurse who quit after 19 intense months of working the front lines.

His experiences are harrowing, but two things jumped out at me. First,

        In the early months [of the pandemic], Hudson bagged up dead patients and brought them 

        to the morgue…What’s worse, to protect morticians from exposure, Hudson gauzed and

        taped the eyelids, nostrils, and mouth of his dead patients. "It felt macabre," he said. "It 

        was pretty grim to look at and felt like this feels kind of medieval in a way.”

It breaks my heart that he and others were put in such a position. So little was known in those early phases. Can you imagine being in a room with a corpse and having to gauze and tape eyelids, nostrils, and mouths? You don’t know the person, but you know the person had to die alone. You know a family lost a loved one and they couldn’t say good-bye much less have a funeral and, yet, there you are, a stranger, covering a dead person’s eyes, nose, and mouth.

This made my anger rise. Anger for all the workers forced to stare into a wall of death on a daily and nightly basis. Anger for all the families who lost loved ones and couldn’t have a funeral. Anger because I know there are people out there who doubt that someone like Hudson experienced what he described convinced that he made it all up. (I consistently see doubt of people’s personal experiences on the Next Door Neighbor App.) Anger that there are people (still!) who think that Covid is “just like the flu” and that somehow, in any given time, flu deaths are equal to Covid deaths. This, by the way, underscores how worthless our education system is,  but that’s another blog rant.

I can only imagine how the horrors of Covid will haunt these front-line workers for the rest of their lives while others will merrily roam their way through life thinking, “Didn’t happen if it didn’t happen to me!” Makes me think of a NICU nurse I knew who, at the beginning of the pandemic, spread false information about how only symptomatic people should quarantine and everything should remain open like it all supposedly happened during the 1918 Spanish (really American) Flu pandemic. Not only is this untrue, but I asked this person and this person’s co-workers and friends if they understood what “asymptomatic” meant. My question never got answered, but plenty of “you sheep”-type comments were flung my way. Once again, proving our education system’s worthless especially in the sciences.

The second thing that Hudson said which jumped out at me was:

Last year also brought out aggression from patients he hadn’t seen before…Patients’ families 

        would tell Hudson to not intubated [sic] dying patients and instead give them the ivermectin, a 

        parasite killer that does not work against Covid-19. “We just feel like we’ve vanished, like we 

        can’t do anything,” he added. Shortly before leaving his job, Hudson recalled coming home 

        from his shifts feeling defeated.

If people don’t believe Covid is real, why are they seeking help at a hospital when they get sick?

OR,

If they are seeking help at a hospital, why are they then telling doctors and nurses what to do?

STAY HOME SINCE YOU BELIEVE YOU KNOW BETTER.

Re-read the line above. Keep re-reading it. 

The arrogance is astounding and it is this arrogance that is contributing to the collapse of our healthcare industry. We are losing people like Hudson in droves because humans can only take so much abuse from the Arrogant and Ignorant.

My biggest wish for humanity is for people to see how connected we are. We carry germs. We carry bacteria. We carry viruses and we spread these germs, bacteria, and viruses to each other. I am humble enough to understand that much about science, and not arrogant enough to believe I know more than a virologist, someone who’s dedicated their life to the study of viruses. Part of my responsibility as a human being is to help humanity and that includes listening to what the majority of scientists, researchers, and experts say on a topic. This is called consensus. The lesson on what is majority vs minority seems to be one many people skipped.

The choices made by the Arrogant and Ignorant make my life harder right now. It also makes front-line nurses’ and doctors’ lives harder, but what the Arrogant and Ignorant fail to realize is that, ultimately, his or her choices make it also harder for him or herself. In the end, it becomes our collective story and scar. We could be helping each other, and yet….

We are forever changed in both good and bad. We are forever scathed. We are forever scarred. The biggest question is how do we handle the aftermath of all this change and all this pain. My secret wish is that we would come out of this working towards improving our education system, but that wish is crumbling with all these bans on books and theories. My not-so-secret wish is that we come out of this kinder. I have to admit that I feel the world’s candle on that wish is growing faint. But it’s not out. Not yet. Please keep it lit.

Imagination Knows No Gender

Hate. Love. Hate. Love. Hate. Love. And so it goes, this complicated relationship with fashion that I have had since I was a little girl.

Being a fat child, I quickly learned that fashion wasn’t meant for me. Over the years, I developed a deep love for accessories. Purses, jewelry, hats; I couldn’t get enough. These were things that didn’t require going into a changing room only to be disappointed. I could wear my black-colored outfits and splash them with color and style using the various purses and accessories I wore. For many years, this worked.

Of course, now, the fashion bar has moved. Stylish fashion isn’t just for the size 0 crowd anymore, and while not all areas and malls carry plus-sized clothing stores, the choices and variety out there is much more abundant than even just 15 years ago. For this, I am grateful.

But…this isn’t what I wanted to focus on. Let’s talk children’s clothing. More specifically, clothing for girls.

The gender stereotyping is a horror show. I have two daughters and my hate, love, hate, love relationship with fashion continues.

We, Americans, love to stand out. We practically salivate from craving individuality. One way we seek this precious uniqueness and individuality is through fashion. The image we seek to portray to the world is very much told through the clothes we choose to wear in public regardless of whether it is our “casual” look or our “professional” look. However, diving deeper beneath the surface of the fashion industry, I find a very catered world of how each gender is to express said uniqueness and individuality. We’re made to believe we have some sort of choice, but, do we?

One of the saving graces of growing up fat in the 80s is that whatever was “in” at the moment never fit me. Knock-offs were tough to wear because they were cheap and made me stand out even more. However, not being able to run out and get whatever was the latest trend contributed, in part, to me not being a “girly-girl” (much to my mother’s constant dismay). In the 90s, when the alternative music scene hit and the short-lived grunge style came along with it, it was like the fashion gods heard my cry.

However, rejecting the “girly-girl” image early on has presented some challenges in raising two girls who *are* extremely “girly.” I want them to wear pants and t-shirts and they want the frilliest, most poofy dresses possible mixed with the brightest colors in existence, topped with a Disney princess crown and feet in little heels. I don’t know what I did to deserve this, but it’s here to stay, and I’m working on accepting this part of my life. It’s an on-going process, I admit.

Now, despite all these sensational "girly" vibes, my girls are also into some of the coolest things. They love science, planets, geology, geography, dinosaurs, robots, deep sea fish, animals, legos (where they build their own worlds, cars, planes, robots, etc), history, and, yes, even a little bit of religion and politics with their own opinions that don’t necessarily always agree with mine. (Yes!)

When I go to the girls section of a clothing store, all I find are sparkles and glitter, shiny t-shirts, frilly dresses and skirts, and an uncomfortable amount of pink and purple. Designs on t-shirts for girls are almost solely about friendships, fashion, or social media. When my older daughter was 3 1/2-years old, we moved to a town where the summers can get hot. That first summer in the new house, I went looking for shorts for her and I couldn’t find anything the was NOT a “short-short” with blinged-out lettering on the butt. I’m sorry, what? I didn’t want my child’s underwear to be showing underneath her shorts any more than I would want my 15-year old’s to be seen. I was shocked and disgusted to find that this sexualization of girls began at such a young age. It’s appalling.

Last week, I was at Carter’s (children’s clothing store) and found some items that I knew my girls would like, and that I could stomach. I then happened to go into the boys section to see if I could find anything for my nephew. Suddenly, right in front of me was this incredible t-shirt: an anglerfish with sharks! I stood there feeling like I had struck gold. My 5-year old would LOVE this! She’s obsessed with anglerfish. She constantly talks about them.

Some weeks back, we found Google search has this cool option to view animals in 3D and we had to view the anglerfish multiple times (along with the other animals) and she wanted to find out all she could about it. I recently checked out a kid’s book from the library about anglerfish and, when I brought it home, she took it, and sat on the couch to look at it. We read some of it together and then, at some point, she took the book to dad to read more.

I stood in the aisle at Carter’s and my elation quickly grew to anger. Why wasn’t this t-shirt ALSO in the girls section?! I looked around. All the science, all the sharks, all the dinos, all the building and all the superheroes, all these “manly” images surrounded me. When I looked across the store to the girls section, it was shining bright with all the sparkles and glitter, and messages of popularity. Enough!

There is nothing wrong with all the sparkle and glitter. I have, over the years, embraced a more “girly” side to me. Not only do I love me some sparkle and glitter, I will even wear a dress or a skirt, and feel good in one. But why, oh, why, oh why, does that have to be the ONLY option for girls? And why are the stereotypical “manly” images the only options for boys? I, personally, know of, at least, 2 boys who love glitter and sparkles and the colors pink and purple, but who also love trucks and racing cars and guns and swords, and bless their exhausted mommas for finding creative ways for them to indulge in these interests.

Why can’t we have more gender-neutral stores? Why can’t we get rid of a “girls section” and a “boys section?” A boy shouldn’t feel bad if he wants to wear a fairy on his shirt or pants, and a girl should be given the choice of wearing a dinosaur fossil on her shirt or dress. Kids like what they like, and much of what they’re into, they will probably outgrow. Kids thrive in their imagination. Let us allow for that! Imagination knows no gender! If we truly want to value uniqueness and individuality, then let’s present the whole picture. Let’s provide choices to the kids that will actually tap into that uniqueness and individuality instead of having only an industry’s catered world of what it defines uniqueness and individuality to be, and done so entirely based on the biological sex with which a child was born. Humans are more complex than that, and that is what makes us so beautiful. Let's credit that appropriately.

Below is a list of companies that I feel provide some alternatives. I wish the list was longer. I wish there were any brick and mortar stores. A couple of months ago I purchased “I Will Vote” dresses from Princess Awesome, and my girls love them because when they twirl, the dresses twirl out wide and it makes them giggle with joy. I love it because they have America’s colors and help start conversations about government and voting. Yes, that can be boring to them (I won’t lie), but seeds, people. I’m planting seeds. 

After all, what else are children if not seeds of our future? How healthy do you want yours to be?

                                                                  *** *** ***

#clotheswithoutlimits - a list of 8 companies that are doing exactly what we need

this site lists 7 companies that offer gender-neutral clothing.

rainbow shops - (a lot of “girly” options, but it offers a couple of clothes with images of little black girls on them - another area the fashion industry fails to fulfill - and the site offers plus sizes for women, so i’m including them on my list.)

and just because, biodegradable glitter to help do our part in staying "girly" but also not harming the environment.

Just Kids Campaign - a post made by two Norwegian moms calling out to H&M to change their approach to their line of clothing for boys and girls. They took the store’s clothes and mixed and matched them on boys and girls without gender stereotyping and created a video posted below. It is fantastic, and it is my sincere wish is to see so much more of something like this.