We're drowning. In so many different ways, we're drowning. From climate change to chemical dependency to the disappearance of critical thinking skills. How long do we humans have left?
Over the last 20 years of teaching, one of the most disturbing trends I have witnessed among parents is the pressure put on children to be perfect, to be the best, to be the most competitive in order to attain whatever recognition possible. It is almost impossible, I think, for us to not place our insecurities on to our children, but we must be aware of when we are doing it. I also think it's a fallacy to believe that our children are carbon copies of us. They may look like us genetically, and they may have some inherited traits, but they are 100% their own people. To push our own insecurities on to them is inflicting more damage than we can imagine. I'm not a psychologist, but I speak from experience.
My mom's insecurities with relationships, which stem from growing up with a cold mother and an alcoholic father, were pushed on to me convincing me for a long time to be distrustful of men. It took years for me to realize and recognize that each man is an individual. Not all men are assholes. So, let's say you are competitive and feel inadequate unless you win 1st place, you are probably pushing that same insecurity on to your children, teaching them that one has no value unless you are #1, when the true lesson should be that everyone has value regardless. And maybe your child doesn't care to be so competitive. Have you asked? Maybe your child has other interests. Have you asked? Have you had an honest conversation about what your child may want? Adults tend to think kids of all ages have no opinions, but they do. Oh, they do.
At Lithuanian school, for the last 3 years or so, we have had a symposium where the 11th and 12th graders are given the floor to describe about what challenges they feel today's youth face. Every year my heart breaks. Consistently, more than half of the students talk about all the pressures they face from family and school to get good grades, to do well on their SAT, to excel in anything they do, to get into an exceptional university, and to be in as many extra-curricular activities as possible, but to also not forget to have an active and fun social life. I know it affects the wealthy, but are you truly surprised by the college admissions scandal that hit last year?
Every single student mentioned that their days often begin before 6am, how they rush to school (some starting their first class by 7am), have classes until 3pm or so, then sports or other lessons, come home early evening, and then sit down for 3-4 hours of homework. Many of them aren't getting to bed until midnight, sometimes later, only to start the day again before 6am. Teenagers should be getting 8-10 hours of sleep. I have yet to meet one that gets that much sleep. Guess what happens to the brain and body when you don't get enough sleep? I think there's enough evidence of the negative effects.
These kids are 16 and 17 years old.
These kids are overworked and tired.
These kids are desperate and sinking.
Read again: These kids are sinking.
Again: KIDS.
These. Are. Kids. And they're drowning.
The more popular social media becomes, the more apps, the more cyber inter-connectedness, the more pressure to be perfect and the deeper the dive below the surface gets.
What are we doing?
According to Business Insider, when analyzing education world-wide, the US ranked
#6 in 1990 and now
#27 in 2016.
In math, out of 71 countries, the US ranked
#38 and
In science, the US ranked
#24.
What happened over 30 years? We started spending less money on education than other countries even though student enrollment increased. We do not value education. Yet, we sure like to pile on the pressure to excel in it.
What in the actual hell?
Something has to give. When we live out of balance, we get sick. In some way shape or form, we get sick. Maybe it's emotionally, maybe it's physically, maybe it's psychologically. We are not meant for all this pressure. We are not meant to separate ourselves from each other. We are not meant to separate ourselves from nature. We are not meant to separate ourselves from creativity and thought and adventure. We are not meant to separate ourselves from boredom. Being the best and having the most gets you nothing in the end. No amount of awards, money, or accolades will get you out of death. Those awards, the money, and the accolades will be thrown away, distributed, and forgotten.
My wish for people is to see their children as individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses, and help them build on their strengths. Don't force your missed dreams on them. Listen to them and try not to take their weaknesses and mistakes as some sort of failure on your part. We all have strengths and weaknesses, both of which are worthy and valuable to work on. Our strengths and weaknesses are our own - like our thumbprint - and they bring us lessons from which we can learn, if we are open to them. Guide your children to find theirs without you tainting them with your own skewed view of things.
Our children are drowning and they are begging for help. We are the adults. We should know better. We should guide better. We should live better.
Let. Them. Be. Free.
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